Why I left engineering.

                                Why I left engineering.

“She has illimitable potential. She has scored well in her class 10^th board exams and she belongs to the IIT crowd” said the receptionist who was trying her best to cajole and persuade me along with my family to join their so called prestigious coaching institute.

She used her MBA degree to its full potential to lure us into this rat race of getting into the IITs. And to her pleasure, we got convinced and eventually trapped.

And my journey began. 

Hi, I am Kalpana. I turned 18 this March. I have passed my class 12^th exams with a percentage of 86.3. My ambition is to study the language- English. But, my life has not always been so sorted out. I am one messed up middle class teenager who has gone through the tortures of the Indian Education System. 

On reminiscing the days of past, I remember myself as an academic scholar till 10^th grade. I had all the luck and love on my side. Life was flowing pretty smoothly. 

But, the storms are always preceded by silence.

Our country’s education system has cruelly classified the intelligence quotient of a child into three categories – Science, Commerce and Humanities. 

Just like the orthodox caste system, even the education system is portrayed like a ladder with the science stream being at the top rung followed by commerce and then humanities.

Though this setup is slowly changing but many lives have already been victimized by it. I am one of them.

After the 10^th grade, all the students are required to choose a stream which will serve as their identity for the next two years. Being academically strong and possessing an impressive score card, I never wanted myself to be thought of as a weak student. My thought process was so badly hi-jacked by the stereotypes prevalent in the society, that I myself started thinking that going for any other option let alone science will be an insult to my potential. I camouflaged my baffled state of mind with a calm face and went ahead with science. 

Started the beginning of the end.

I was chafing at the bit to start off with this new session. I invested my efforts and started preparing for the first examinations. Meanwhile, I also joined a coaching institute, the one which was initially very well introduced.

I was pretty confident that my exams went well and was eagerly waiting for the result. But, the results brought along a major blow with them. My score card was yelling at me that I merely had managed to pass and these were the all time lowest scores of my life.

I was completely shattered.

But I kept trying; I was not ready to settle down with such marks. With the passage of time, my attempts transformed to struggle. I was exhausted of encountering low scores and battling my constantly dropping self confidence.

All this time, the only thing which kept me going was the subject ‘English’. It provided me with a vent to just let out everything and feel at peace. I could find the much needed happiness in this subject. Sooner came the realization that I never felt happy, satisfied and relaxed while working with physics, chemistry and math.  These subjects used to suffocate me. The thought of continuing with hem was even more horrifying. I really tried my best to mould myself for engineering but the results were disheartening. 

And the worst part? I had no one to share my feelings with. I lived through that stage stoically. 

From a scintillating, convivial person, I was bottling up as an introvert. This frustration was housing inside me.

Finally, one day, I let it all out.       

I told my parents that I simply can not bear engineering as my profession. This confession led to many conflicts.

My house turned into a war-ridden country. Arguments were something as routine as dinner. My parents scolded, cursed, persuaded, explained and did every effort to make me choose a secure career option [that’s how they define engineering]. But, I was firm and resolute enough. I was not ready to let go off my passion.

Despite of repeated efforts, when my parents found themselves miserably failing to make things work according to them, they gave in.

I left my coaching.

 I left trying.

 I left frustrating myself.

 I left disappointment.

 I left being sad.

Yes, I left Engineering.